


Lovesong(s)

by whisekyandroses



Category: Disobedience (2017), Disobedience - Naomi Alderman
Genre: F/F, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 06:43:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisekyandroses/pseuds/whisekyandroses
Summary: A number of one shots inspired by songs.





	1. All I Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration: all I Ask by Adele.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any mistakes, typos, etc.
> 
>  
> 
> Hopefully this becomes a weakly thing.

 

 

 

"This is all you do right? whenever things get hard you just walk away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Esit spit out, as she watched Ronit gathering her stuff, at least what she had used in her short stay here. Everything was already packed and ready to go, but Ronit and Esti both weren't.

 

 

 

  
"This is all I do!? this is all-"

 

 

 

Ronit made a chuckling sound that was more bitter than fun and looked at Esti in disbelief.

 

 

"This is not all I do this is what you and these people make me do! I don't even want to be here Esit and hadn't my father died and Dovid writing me I wouldn't, not even in a million years have thought of coming back to this place!"

 

 

 

Ronit said. Esit hurt. Things weren't supposed to be this way everything was going smoothly and just fine, Only if they hadn't been caught, Only if people weren't so damn nosy, Everything would've been just fine. But everyone knows now, including Dovid, sweet Dovid.

 

 

 

 

Esit sat at the edge of the bed with tears in her eyes and enormous pain in her chest, After all these years she finally got the love of her life back, And just like that, It's now walking out.

 

 

 

 

It was 2am, Ronit shouldn't really leave alone this late and she knows it, maybe she should just sleep it off and leave in the early morning.

 

 

 

 

 

Esti checked the wall behind Ronit that was now standing still. 2am, maybe Ronit shouldn't leave this late, Esti thought.

 

 

 

"Look.."

 

Esit said calmly

 

 

 

"I know you probably won't, but can you please stay the night?, it's late and you can leave in the morning."

 

 

 

 

She said and her voice cracked when she said 'Leave' but she pretended like that didn't happen.

 

 

 

 

"I-"

 

 

 

 

 

Ronit started to say but was cut off when Esit stood up, walked up to her and stopped just 2 inches before bumping into her.

 

 

 

 

 

"Stay the night Ronit, Pain is always there doesn't matter if it's night or day."

 

 

 

She said. Not in a hatful or a mean way but in a surrender way. She has accepted her fate. Their fate.

 

 

"Alright."

 

 

Softly whispered Ronit.

 

 

 

 

Esit started walking away when a firm grip on her arm stopped and pulled her back, she was now standing so close to Ronit she could smell the faded scant of cigarettes Ronit had in her mouth.

 

 

 

"I never meant to cause you pain, I would never do such a thing to you Esit, not on purpose."

 

 

"I know. I know."

 

 

 

Esit fought back her tears and looked away, she didn't want Ronit to see her crying, she didn't want Ronit to see her pain, the pain she caused, she didn't want the love of her life to hurt.

 

So she walked out the room and closed the door behind her, leaned against it and began to softly sob.

 

  
Ronit was on the other said of the door, sitting on the floor next to her bed, doing the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later that night Esti knocked on the door quietly and when Ronit didn't open it she let herself in.

 

  
It was 4am and Esit had just stopped crying, gathered herself and came back here.

 

 

  
There she was, laying in bed and staring at the celling.

 

 

  
"What do you want Esit?"

 

 

  
Ronit said a little defeated.

 

 

 

"I don't want us to end like this."

 

 

  
Esti said

 

 

  
"I don't want us to end like we suddenly forgot the love we have for each other Ronit, I don't want us to end as if we chose to end it because we didn't, the world did."

 

 

  
"do you want to know what I hate?"

 

 

Ronit asked like she haven't heard a word Esit said.

 

 

Esit moved closer.

 

 

"I never got to tell you that I love you, even back then, even when we were kids, I knew that I loved you but I never said it."

 

 

Esit was now kneeling down in front of Ronit's bed, her chin on the mattress.

 

 

"In new york everything is different, everyone is different, I thought that would make me different, I thought that would change me and change who I am and it did."

 

 

Ronit lowered her gaze and looked at Esti and softly caressed her face.

 

 

"But the one thing that didn't change is your image in my head Esti, your smile, your eyes, your whole face. It never changed."

 

 

 

a tear was threatening to fall from Ronit's eye so she went back to staring at the celling.

 

 

Esti didn't hold back her tears though, not this time, not this last time.

 

 

 

"Can I ask something of you Ronit?"

 

 

"yeah?"

 

 

 

 

"Will you hold me?"

 

 

 

She said.

 

 

Ronit couldn't help but to open her arm and gesture for Esti to come into her embrace. They both wanted this.

 

 

Esti laid with her head right on Ronit's heart, she could listen to her heart beat forever and ever.

 

 

Ronit held on, not only to Esti but to the moment.

 

 

"I regret it now."

 

 

Esti said and Ronit felt panicked for a moment and thought to herself, does she regret this?

 

 

"regret what?"

 

 

"Writing you in new york."

 

 

"Oh."

 

 

Ronit was taken aback by this but she somehow saw it coming, Dovid would never write her, not even if her father died, no one in this town would write her except She.

 

 

"Why do you regret it?"

 

 

"Because if you hadn't come here I wouldn't have known what it felt like to be held by you, to be touched by you, to be loved by you, I wouldn't have known how soft your skin is or how warm your embrace is. I would've only dreamed about it, gathered a little from my memory of you in my mind and thought of it. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you again. I wouldn't have been hurt again, I wouldn't have to lose you again Ronit."

 

 

Esti said the last few words in between soft cries and she could feel Ronit's breathing get slower and faster, she was crying too.

 

"Esti?"

 

 

Ronit whispered out

 

 

"Uh?"

 

 

 

 

"I love you. I love you."

 

 

Ronit said it twice, as if to make up for lost times.

 

 

Esit wrapped her arms around her torso and held on tight.

 

 

 

 

"I love you too."

 

 

 

This was their last time together, they knew it and accepted it. Life is not fair and when Esti wakes up the next morning she knows Ronit will be gone, she will wake up and go downstairs and pretend like Ronit was never here.

 

 

 

But she will always be the only love of her life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She only exists in her memory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And she exists in Hers.

 


	2. Smithereens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the song Smithereens by Twenty One Pilots
> 
>  
> 
> A high school AU.

Ronit is a calm kid. never really liked loud parties or loud friends, she didn't have many of those (Friends) and she didn't mind.   
She was after all the brightest student at school, she didn't care about anything other than her books and camera, she loved taking pictures of people and things but mostly people, in fact, it was mostly one person and that person was Esti.

When Ronit thinks about Esti she usually gets butterflies in her stomach and a need to shout it out of the highest roofs. That's how Esti made her feel.

Esti was THE student. Not that smart but not dumb either, C+ and B+ but never an A. She was popular but not too popular. The girl that was friends with all THE popular kids but only really friends with 2 of 10.

One thing she was 100% of and not a 50/50 was Beautiful.

She was the most beautiful girl in school, hell, the most beautiful person in the school and probably the whole world if you ask Ronit.

the slight problem was that, Esti doesn't know about Ronit.

In fact they've never even talked to each other. Ever.

Ronit only took pictures of Esti, Esti didn't do anything to Ronit.

Probably never even noticed Ronit taking pictures of her and that's okay. Ronit doesn't mind that because she doesn't expect anything from Esti. She just wants to admire her quietly from far away.

  
Until that day. April 15.

Someone spread a rumor about Esti.  
That she was not 'normal'

And everyone stared at first, staring Esti up and down, that was the first 2 hours of school day.

1 hour later they started whispering.

Another 50 minutes and a guy pumped her shoulder while she was walking by.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to do that, Dyke."

He said, and kept walking.

Esti stood still.

  
Shocked and hurt.

  
Esti could feel tears in her eyes and anger inside of her, she refused to let these people see her cry, she headed right towards the bathrooms.

 

  
She slammed the door open and burst out in tears, she hit the sink's edge with her hand and ducked her head down, she couldn't look at herself in the mirror, how could she be this stupid.

Suddenly she heard a toilet flush and one of the bathrooms stalls' door opened up

She couldn't face whoever was inside and focused her gaze at the mirror in front of her when she saw black wavy hair covering deep eyes and a hand run through it to remove it from their face and She saw her.

She was the girl she always sees in the halls, the most quiet person in her history class that she always catches taking snaps of pictures of her.

  
Ronit wanted to jump out of the window installed at the very top of the bathroom wall when she saw Esti.

Standing there, tear stains on her face and her eyes being slightly puffy from crying. Roint didn't know why she was crying or what had happened all she wanted was to hold this beautiful creature between her arms. But she couldn't. So she stared at the girl in mirror staring back at her.

 

"What?"

 

Esti said raising an eyebrow, she was trying to seem unbothered, careless even, but her eyes couldn't fool anyone.

"No- Nothing. nothing."

Ronit said and headed towards the far end sink.  
She started washing her hands, but slowly, and took glimpses of Esti every several seconds.

  
"Are you okay?"

Ronit whispered onto the mirror.

 

"Oh yeah! I'm perfect! Everything is alllrightt!"

 

Esti said sarcastically while waving her arms around.

"Do you want to get out of here?"  
Ronit said out of nowhere and she looked at Esti, right at her.

  
"What?"

 

"Do you want to get out of h-"

 

"Yes."

 

Esti didn't know what's gotten into her, she doesn't even know this girl.

 

They walked out of the bathroom and Ronit lead the way. Esti didn't know where they were heading.

 

Ronit noticed the looks from several students along the way and she didn't know what was going on or why they were whispering around her and Esti, all she knew is that she's taking the girl she admires from afar to her save place.

 

 

 

It was a big old tree, the save place. A big old tree with failed leafs and in a park half a block away from the school. No one ever goes there except Ronit because of a rumor that was started 2 years ago that the tree is haunted. Its her save place for that particular reason.

  
They walked close enough for Ronit to smell Esti's perfume.

 

The weather was nice and Ronit sneaked around 7 glances at Esti without her noticing.

  
They made it to the spot and Ronit sat under the tree as per usual but someone was staring at her.

  
"Isn't this the haunted tree?"

Esti asked standing 3 feet away from it.

"Ah, you believe that too huh? I sometimes forget the whole school does believe that."

"Not just the school the whole neighborhood knows this tree is cursed or something"

"Well its not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Do you come here often?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I think here"

"But its haunted"

"No its not"

"Yes it is."

"What happened to you out there why were you crying?"

Ronit blurted out of nowhere taking Esti by surprised,

"It's.. Nothing. Nothing happened."

Esti said upset because she for a few minutes forgot that her life was ruined now. For a few minutes she felt save and normal again.

"But I saw you. And everyone was staring at you."

"No they weren't.."

"Yes they were"

"Maybe they were staring at you"

"That's impossible."

"Why?"

"No one ever notices me that's why."

Ronit said in such a matter of fact way that it almost took away the slight sadness in her voice.

Esti sat next to Ronit and stretched her legs and crossed them at the ankles. She took a deep breath and let it out.

  
"What would you do if someone were to make up a lie about you and tells everyone that lie and everyone believes it and you know it's not the truth but you also know that it's not completly a lie?"

"uhm I don't know, how bad is the lie?"

"Really bad."

"Well I would find someone that I truly love and I know cares about me and go to them and let them hold me for a day or two"

Ronit chuckled. Esti didn't.

"What if that person doesn't exist?"

"Everyone has someone I'm sure"

"Well what if they don't."

 

Esti's voice cracked slightly and she was on the verge of tears but tried to keep her emotiones in check so this girl wouldn't notice. But the girl did notice.

 

"We're not speaking hypothetically here are we, Esti?"

The name came out warm and soft like drinking hot coffee and watching the snow fall outside the window.

"Why do you always take pictures of me?"

Touché. Ronit thought.

"Umm what?"

"I always feel you taking pictures of me"

And the way she said "feel you" and not "see you" made Ronit feel some kind of way.

"The yearbook. They're for the yearbook."

"Is the yearbook just pictures of B student Esti?"

"You're not a B student"

"I am."

"What happened out there that made you cry Esti? Why was everyone staring?"

Esti saw the genuine care in Ronit's eyes so she decided to just let it go.

"My friend..well she's not exactly a friend anymore but anyways she told Milton, her boyfriend that I...kissed her and that I'm in love with her and Milton told the football team because you don't usually hear about a dyke around here a lot you know and now my life is ruined."

 

Esti chuckled and made a ta ta da gesture with her hands sarcasticlly.

 

Ronit sat and observed the sound of Esti in her head rewinding everything she said so she could get this straight.

 

After 2 minutes of quietness and several silent tears from Esti, Ronit spoke out.

"Isn't Milton your friend? I always see him hanging out with you."

Esti bursted out laughing and even kicked her leg around a little in response to that.

"Well he outed me so I'll take a wild guess and say no. The bastred was never my friend anyway and I don't even know his first name"

"So it's true?"

"Which part?"

"The "in love" part"

"Oh God! No! I didn't kiss her and I would never fall in love with someone like Jessie there's literally 30 other girls at school that look exactly like her and she's awful!"

Ronit was somehow relieved Esti didn't love that girl, still she had a question swimming in her head but she was afraid of asking it

She used the sudden courage she found in herself today and asked away,

"So the other parts are true."

She said. And it came out as a statement, not a question.

Looking at the ground Esti sighed, she doesn't even know the name of this girl but she knows hers, she doesn't pay much attention to her but she apparently does, and now she's talking about something she never dares to tell anyone with a girl she knows nothing about.

Silence surrounded them and Ronit could swear she could hear her own thoughts in the air from how loud they were in her head.

  
A tight nudge to her shoulder brought her back to reality so she looked to see a head rested on it, she realized while her thoughts were as loud as police sirens inside her head, Esti had been softly crying, so much that she drifted to sleep.

 

This was NOT the scenario Ronit had in mind so the panic started and by panic that means her heart started to beat fast.

The scant of Esti.

Her hair smelled of flowers, the flowers that never lose their perfume, the expansive kind of flowers, the rare kind of flowers.

 

  
For 20 minutes, she stared.

 

Ronit thought of the things she would do for this girl, and that scared her because they definitely don't know each other but Esti knows Ronit's hiding place and Ronit knows Esti's true self.

 

 

Does that make them even?

 

  
1 hour later and they were back at school, Ronit was stupid enough to think of the touch of Esti's hand and that made her breath go off rhythm and it woke Esti up.

The looks were intense and Esti walked closely to Ronit she felt a sudden safety with this girl by her side and she didn't know why but it was pleasant.

They walked to history class together and Ronit usually sits in the far back and Esti sits in the 'popular circle. But the popular circle was closed for the day.

For the first time ever, Ronit had company in the far corner of the room and what a company it was.

The class went on just fine with several whispers, looks, laughs, disgusted faces, and even a graphic "slit your throat" gesture from the one and only, Milton.

Class was over and everyone was leaving when the teacher called Ronit's name

"Ronit can you stay a second I need to ask you something about your last week's essay"

Ronit. Her name is Ronit. Esti finally got what she wanted without having to ask for it.

Not more then 20 minutes and Ronit was done with her teacher and she opened the door expecting Esti to be waiting for her but she was no where to be found.

The cafeteria was full that day for some reason, suddenly everyone wants to eat fucking food.

Esti was standing in the middle of the cafeteria surrounded by Milton and his fellow teammates and Ronit could hear things being said so she got closer.

  
"I always knew you were a fucking dyke Esti! You never had a boyfriend in your fucking life bitch"

His teammates laughed even though nothing he said was funny.

On a normal day Ronit would just feel bad for this person, lower her head and leave the room

But this wasn't a normal day and this wasn't just any person.

Ronit and her newfound courage pushed through the little formed crowd and reached Esti. She stood between her and Milton.

Now Milton was a brainless guy with an ugly soul and terrible grades. Both of his parents hate him because he's the reason why they got a divorce. Ronit knows this because they took photography classes together before he made the school's football team as goalkeeper. he is after all a 6'5 giant. With a handsome face to make up for how awful he was.

 

"Can you please just leave her alone Milton this is ridiculous."

 

"Oh guys look who we have here! Women's rights activist and future van gogh dyke Ronit Krushcka!" He said outloud and clapped.

 

Ronit ignored the laughs and loud voices and turned to Esti motioning for her to move when a heavy hand tapped on her shoulder, it was Milton's.

 

"Since you want to be men so bad let me punch you both to treat you like ones"

 

He said harshly and stood there in a way that made Ronit want to cringe but she didn't.

 

The newfound courage, the shoulder rest, the scant, the way they walked, the curves on the corners of Esti's mouth when she smiles. They all came together and formed a fist.

She punched him so hard that she could hear her knuckles break from the bones in his face, or his nose she didn't know for sure but she saw blood.

  
The cafeteria went dead.

Everything was in slow motion when a swing came across her face, she could see it but she couldn't stop it.

It was one of his teammates who returned the punch she gave but it was aimed inaccurately. It hit her hard but not too hard.

She got the sense knocked out of her but she could still feel Esti hand grasping hers and quickly dragging her out of the angry boys club that she started.

Ronit still managed to shout out in Milton's direction;

"NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER WANT TO WILLINGLY BE A MAN AND VAN GOGH WAS A PAINTER NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER YOU STUPID FUCKING TOOL!"

Esti thought the punch definitely made an impact on Ronit because her nose was bleeding as well as her mouth but Ronit was laughing as she dragged her by the hand out into the cold air towards the empty football crowd stands.

She settled the giggling girl on the seat and took her face in her hands

"Did you see that!? I punched him so hard I bet her dropped a couple of inches!"

"Let me see...well your nose is not broken that's good, and you have a small cut on your lip"

"Did you see that Esti!?? I PUNCHED HIM! I've never punched anything in my life!"

Ronit wanted to close her fist but she winced and couldn't. Esti held it. And Ronit stopped breathing.

"I think your broke your hand"

She was examining her hand at first but then she just held onto it and Ronit stopped laughing. Stopped smiling. And just stared.

Esti took off the glove Ronit was wearing and started wiping Ronit's bloody face with it.

  
"Why did you do that, Ronit? You didn't have to"

  
Ronit. She said Ronit. That's the only thing Ronit heard that from what Esti just said.

  
"What?"

"Why did you do that? Why did you punch him like that he could've hurt you!"

"Relax Esti he didn't. And the basterd deserved it! You think I'm gonna let him just talk to me like that? Talk to YOU like that? Huh"

"Why though? Why did you hit a guy for me? Why did you walk with me? Why did you keep me safe? We don't even know each other"

"You had a rough day Esti I wasn't about to turn my back on you like everyone else did"

"You took me to the haunted tree!!"

"It's not haunted!!"

"I was still scared!"

 

Esti started to cry and Ronit didn't exactly know why but she's sure it wasn't because she was scared of the tree.

 

"Alright alright alright hey, come here"

Ronit opened her arms and Esti rested her head against her chest and held onto her as did Ronit held to Esti's head.

They stayed like that in the silence for a couple of minutes until Ronit broke it.

"I like you. I've always did. Ever since I saw and from the moment my eyes fell on you Esti I liked you. I didn't even know what being attracted to someone felt like but I knew that my feelings for you were the purest and most clearest thing that ever happened to me. From that moment on I knew that I would do anything for you, a complete stranger to me. Just looking at you makes me feel save and warm and everything beautiful in the world. So yeah I did punch a guy for you Esti and guess what? I would do it all over again and I would get beat by all these people for you. You're my purpose now."

Esti lifted her head to look at Ronit and they looked at each other. This was the first time they really looked at each other's faces.

Esti's was tear stained, her eyes were red and puffy, but still beautiful and perfect.

Ronit's was a bit of a mess, her nose bleeding, her lip cut, freash tear stains with a small smile formed in her lips.

Esti had nothing to say so she just kissed her.

 

They locked lips and Ronit winced. Not from the cut on her lip but the bump her heart made at the touch of Esti's lips on hers. The sweet and gentle way their lips danced together for what felt like an eternity.

 

 

They were 60 seconds. Not an eternity.

 

Esti pulled back when she tested Ronit's blood on her mouth.

"Oh you're bleeding again"

They laughed as Esti wiped away the blood from her nose.

"You wanna know something Ronit?"

"What?"

Esti looked at her and smiled. A warm smile.

"This was supposed to be the worst day of my life and it probably is. When I go home I'll be called the harshest names and be treated the worst way. Everything would suck and I'll come to school tomorrow and be treated like an outcast freak of nature, but that's all right. Cause now I got my own save place and it's not a tree, it's you, Ronit Krushcka."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Football as in Soccer. They don't have football in Britain so I got that rights ladies and gents ;)


End file.
